Your government thinks you are a moron.

You! Yes, you reading this. Your government thinks you are a moron. A sheep, a number, an expendable asset who merely needs appeasing from time to time in order to keep you under the jackboot of what they laughingly call democracy. You’re given the illusion that you can change things, that you can decide who gets into power, that you have a say all the time working towards ensuring you can do none of those things. Want proof? How about the fact they’re treating you like a moron over a key issue right this minute?

I realise that to some this sounds like typical conspiracy nonsense but how else could we explain the actions of our government? To make this point clear I’m going to avoid conspiracy theories and even historical events and focus merely on the recent events we can all consider. I promise there will be no mention of reptillians or a new world order here and if you can argue my point and tell me why I’m wrong I invite you to do so because I’d really like to be proven wrong in this case more than you might believe.

Here in the UK recent events have beggared belief. Not only is our government behaving in the most shocking of manners they’re actually rubbing our noses in it safe in the knowledge society has become too apathetic to do anything about it. This is terrifying to me and should be to you also.

Let’s look at the whole “historical sex abuse” inquiry being touted by government. Taken at face value the idea makes sense, find all of the members of government who have been raping and abusing children and bring them to justice. Yes, government being pro-active – kind of – and making a difference with a ‘full and frank inquiry’. Who could argue that’s a bad thing, right? I mean, if you did that would make you as bad as the abusers themselves. Our government cares after all. Bullshit, complete and utter bullshit. What they are talking about is a historic inquiry only covering the 1970’s and 1980’s. Can you see what’s wrong with that? Let me tell you.

Firstly, I’m no clairvoyant but I can tell you that the result of this inquiry will be “Yes, there were small groups involved in child abuse and they were covered up” and then one or two dead people will be ‘brought to justice’ and if we’re lucky another couple of creaky old political monsters who are practically dead already. Prosecutions will happen, apologies will be made, and there will be promises that it will never happen again. All will be good in the world. Obviously the people who covered it up won’t end up in court, those shadowy civil servants who seem to rule the rulers. Nor will those who simply chose to look the other way be charged with anything although they most assuredly should. How could they be in those hallowed halls of power and not know something was going on, even just a rumour in those circumstances should trigger and investigation. But they’ll be left alone.

Worst of all it will end with the 1980’s. We’re to believe that any such abuse miraculously ended when the 90’s rolled around. It’s just a wild coincidence that many of the people in power now started to crawl into the corridors of Westminster in that decade. But none of them were as bad as those monsters from the 70’s and 80’s, no way! But it doesn’t matter who thinks that because the media will be crowing over the dead and almost dead dragged screaming – in the case of the living – into the light. We’ll ignore the obvious, just give us a couple of monsters to hate!

Just to really rub our nose in it we then hear they’re choosing some old battleaxe to head the inquiry who’s not exactly above suspicion herself when it comes to thinking that covering up such crimes among our ‘betters’ is a good idea. Luckily there was some press stoked outrage about this and she’s to be replaced. With the way things are heading I wouldn’t be surprised if David Cameron were to announce Jonathan King was now to head the inquiry given his experience.

Think about all the child protection laws that have been passed in the last four decades. Think about the things we’ve tolerated for ‘the sake of the children’. We’ve seen works of fiction such as horror movies banned, we’ve seen the Internet being slowly strangled by opt out censorship devices. We’ve seen an increase in powers to scrutinise our every move, we’ve seen parents banned from taking photos at sports days and children’s plays. We’ve tolerated ridiculous measures because we’ve been told it protects our children and when all that was going on it seems many of the people behind those laws being passed were either raping our children, covering up that abuse, or turning the other cheek.

Given all this how can we possibly trust our politicians now? How can we trust senior civil servants or even senior members of many police forces ( look at Savile as an example of police inquiries simply ‘going away’), how can we possibly trust any of those in power unless we do actually get an open, public inquiry? The answer is, we can’t. We cannot trust them and they are not to be trusted but things will carry on because we’re just good little sheep who will only grumble quietly whilst getting on with life and further greasing the wheels of government that mince our futures.

If you’re from outside of the UK and perhaps feeling a little safer I’m afraid I have to burst your bubble. Your government is no better. Take a closer look, you’ll see.

 

Atheism and other assorted stupidity.

First of all let me set my stall out, to all intents and purposes I most certainly am an atheist. I do not even vaguely accept religion of any variety as having any validity or foundation  in reality. At best I find it to be a foolish belief in man made fairy tales and at worst a divisive virus that shows man at his most reprehensible. Put simply I abhor religion. The thing is, this is just my opinion and nothing more. I’m comfortable knowing there is absolutely no evidence backing up religious doctrine or claims and that’s where it would end providing religion didn’t interfere with my life which, sadly, it does. But what’s equally annoying to me now are the new breed of atheists.

You know the sort, they pile into any given forum, quote scripture from their gods of atheism – Dawkins in particular – and then proceed to attack people who believe in religion on a quite personal level. They even have meetings now where they all convene to discuss how they don’t believe in something and, quite frankly, it gets right on my tits. Why? Put simply it’s because they’re acting exactly like the followers of a sky genie now and it’s getting bloody hard to tell them apart.

There are a couple of very simple things which seem to completely elude these young followers of the non-god. Firstly it’s rather difficult to put out a fire using petrol. What you tend to get is a bigger fire and lots of people spending time as guests of the burn unit. The other thing is that you simply cannot argue with faith. Trying to use logical arguments on people who have completely illogical beliefs is so utterly pointless it hurts. Now, if you’re debating for the sake of debate then it can be really rather entertaining but you can’t help getting the impression many people are looking to convert others via the means of debate. Why not ask them if they’d like a non-baptism while you’re at it?

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think atheists are anywhere near as reprehensible as some of our religious brethren. No atheist has ever told me I should die for disrespecting their beliefs and nor do atheists tend to throw out ridiculous arguments based on mouldy old books written as a control device for the plebs, they tend to focus on the reality of the situation relying on facts and proof. But so many of them really need to reel their necks in.

I don’t understand attacking someone who is religious simply because they are religious. The most evil thing most of these people do is infect their children with the same god virus they have. For the most part the overwhelming majority of religious people practice their religion and lead normal lives. Don’t discount the fact that for some religion brings comfort, it brings a sense of purpose to those who cannot comprehend nature or the fact there’s a good chance that when it’s over, it’s really over. Why hate them for what is little more than a weakness? Treat them as equals and perhaps pity them a little, anyone hedging their bets for an afterlife is clearly missing out on some aspect of life and as long as they are happy then I say leave them to it.

Of course, the viral nature of religion means it tries to infect everybody. Every religious person thinks the world would be a better place if only it ran according to the rules their particular brand of madness has set out. Some of those values aren’t all that bad really, the ones based more on forgiveness and support. Others are so repellent you can see why the religion itself enjoys the greatest popularity in countries with extremely poor education and cultural retardism.

So where am I going with this? Well, my little atheist chum, how about you stop focussing on some sad sack in Ohio who happens to love Christ or some guy in Blackburn who thinks Allah is the ticket to everlasting glory. Those people will never hurt you, they won’t for the most part even dream of forcing you to follow their rules or doctrines. Focus instead on our governments, ensure they do not weaken in the face of religion as they so often do because attacking the individual merely strengthens the case for protecting religion, a move many of our governments are creeping towards.

Campaign against ridiculous rules concerning whether it should be illegal to insult religion (it shouldn’t), campaign to take away the tax exempt status of religions (I never did understand that status), campaign to get bishops kicked out of the house of Lords. Do what you can to ensure religion remains a personal thing and then you can comfortably debate it with the individuals. Don’t trust in god, we’ve seen where that leads, trust in humanity and at least be disappointed in a manner you can deal with.

So, what’s next?

It seems like I’m always busy these days but apparently not so busy that I’m refusing to dig into new projects. Here’s what’s coming up between now and the winter.

The Hayden Hewitt Show: I know, it’s a catchy title isn’t it. I’ve mentioned this recently but it’s pretty much a weekly online radio show covering current events and topics of interest with guests and even a live call in. Once the show’s finished it will be archived and within 48 hours you should be able to get it on iTunes and the wonderful Stitcher app.

The Eloquent Gentlemen: Seeing as we enjoy it so much we’re going to build on the idea a little. We’re going to be improving the podcast and adding a website which – as far as we can tell – will be a little like the Huffington Post if everyone at the Huffington Post rocked up to work each day off their tits on Absinthe and LSD. There will probably be a small crowd funding element to this so if you like it please consider being a part of it. It goes without saying there will be a LOT more details released about this before too long.

The LiveLeak Show: After going on a break back in January the all new LiveLeak Live Show should be unveiled around October in time for the LiveLeak birthday show. The new show will be totally LiveLeak centric and media heavy. It will involve graphic material, material that will make you feel unwell, material which will make you laugh, and massive amount of trolling and swearing.

Spare Room Stream: Not of interest to everyone but I’ll continue doing my live video streams from my spare room to hang out with the LiveLeak folks. At least that’s the plan, at this rate I won’t have any spare time left!

There is also a business related podcast (UK small and medium business) in the works but I’m mostly just hosting that one rather than offering any great insight. Of course, I probably don’t offer up great insight terribly often anyway. I’ll keep you guys posted just in case it’s your sort of thing.

I’m also still checking the viability of another idea but it’s a pretty big deal and I don’t want to reveal details yet just in case a) It isn’t actually viable and b) I cock it all up somehow. Needless to say what’s left of 2014 is going to be damn busy!

When did we give up our backbone?

Looking at the way our governments operate today – and by ‘our’ I’m mostly talking about the UK and US – one has to wonder when exactly it was that we lost not only our way but our backbone. So completely controlled and owned are we that it has become apparent we will tolerate practically anything our governments impose on us providing they either  tell us it’s keeping us safe or telling us which group needs demonising today in order that yet more of our rights and freedoms can be taken away from us. I used to think it was actually the job of our government, our security services, and our armed forces to protect our freedoms and rights. How wrong and how very naive I was.

I’m not sure I’ve ever entirely trusted our politicians at least not since the time I actually fully knew what a politician was. How can you trust anyone to have your best interests at heart when their only desire is to gain power and cling onto it at all costs? Yes, I realise there are good politicians but I’ve been made aware of so few they might as well not be there so anonymous and ineffective are they. We’re having rights and freedoms taken away from us at a breathtaking rate but it’s not that which infuriates me so badly, although it’s bad enough, it’s the acceptance of the people I can’t stand and I pretty much include myself in that because I’m sat here writing and not actually doing anything of value to change the situation.

Look at the excuses we get for eroding our freedoms. The key one is that they are protecting us from terrorists. Well forgive me for being a bit slow and everything but seeing as we’re always being told “They hate us for our freedoms” aren’t we kind of letting those guys win if we don’t have any bloody freedoms left? Disruption is the key factor in the effectiveness of terrorism and in that regard they’ve got us beaten hands down. Could you imagine a Patriot Act pre 9/11? Yes, terrorist atrocities are despicable and devastating, none more so than 9/11 so far but statistically you’ve got far more chance of being struck by lightning than dying in a terror attack, how many freedoms would you give up to protect you from lightning?

Freedom comes at a price, what good is it for us to be kept “safe” from the threat of terror if we are kept as property by our governments? Through the collection of data they will know what you’ve said, what you’ve looked at, who you’ve called, where you’ve been. I do realise that they won’t be interested in the overwhelming majority of us but will it really end at saving us from the bearded explody people? I seem to recall other anti-terror laws being abused by the likes of local councils how do we expect this to be any different. And this is just the thin end of the wedge too.

Have you noticed we’re governed with fear more often? In America, long-held as the land of the free, there was a terrorist attack in Boston and the result of this was pretty much martial law being imposed on the city while an ever more militarised police force searched property without warrant or reasonable cause beyond “SOMEONE WENT IN THIS HOUSE!!”. Wherever we turn we’re being squeezed by draconian legislation. Speech laws, social media laws, don’t speak your mind, don’t upset anybody or we’ll send you to prison, the police will beat and kill you if you step even vaguely out of line, no freedom of information laws apply to your “betters”. We live in societies where those who are supposed to lead us are corrupt and often despicable and evil. They can lie, steal and cheat and get nothing worse than a slap on the wrist and quite often a promotion. Crimes are covered up, laws pushed through our respective systems regardless of public opinion. We’re lost.

It’s no conspiracy theory to point these things out. They’re happening right in front of us, in broad daylight and we’re now feeling powerless to prevent them. We feel either a hopeless anger or a crippling apathy knowing that our usual means of changing those at the top are now useless. Want to organise a march? You’ll need a permit. Want to protest? That might not be allowed and if it is you stand a good chance of getting your head caved in by a police officer. Want to vote the current bunch of leaches out of office? No problem, they don’t mind because that won’t change anything either. Those promises from the opposition float away like dust in the wind once they’re in power.

I can’t help thinking previous generations might have taken a stand. At the height of the terrorism carried out by the IRA our governments refused to hand more powers to our security services. People took pride in picking themselves up, dusting themselves down, and carrying on because they know to do otherwise meant handing the reins of power to the enemy. It’s that blitz spirit, over the pond maybe it’s the spirit of independence. It’s all gone now though, somewhere down the line we lost our backbone and our ‘betters’ know it. How else could they flaunt their shameless abuses of power in our faces with such wild abandon?

They’ve so very nearly got us now, we are so close to being powerless that they can taste it. They know they won’t be hanging outside their halls of power by their necks, they know we’ll either take their bullshit excuses hook line and sinker or simply wallow in a quiet and apathetic rage about what they’re doing. I’ve always said I hate presenting problems without solutions but this time I’m stuck, guys. I’m stuck.

 

Time for a change!

It’s been a little quiet here on the site of late and for that I do apologise in particular to that small group of wonderful people who do actually come here and read my brain dumps and listen to the podcasts. It’s not that I’ve gotten bored and I most certainly haven’t run out of interesting and annoying things to write about, I’ve just been a touch busy.

There are a few things I can’t really talk about yet, a few that are probably too dull to talk about, and a couple I definitely can give you some information on. First of all the Hayden Hewitt Podcast. This has gone off the radar a little as I’ve had the Eloquent Gentlemen podcast as a playground recently (more on that a little later) and if I’m honest it always felt a little forced. After thinking about it I’ve decided I won’t be continuing with that particular podcast in its current form. But if you enjoyed it fear not…it’s going to be far better!

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At some point in the next couple of weeks I’m going to turn that podcast into what I can only describe as a ‘show’. Initially it will be audio only and it will be based on current and topical events, I’ll have guests on depending on the topic, and best of all I’ll be able to take Skype calls and e-mails because we’ll be going out live! The show will be broadcast via LiveLeak.com using the live streaming platform, after the show has gone out it will then be archived on LiveLeak and available to download from there too. Within a couple of days of broadcast the show will then be available on various other platforms (iTunes, Stitcher, e.t.c.) so you can continue listening however you wish.

I’m pretty excited about this as well as nervous. Broadcasting live isn’t anything new to me but doing it for me most certainly is. Hopefully the show will be informative and entertaining and if you’re around when I go live I do hope you’ll call in so I don’t feel like Billy No Mates. I’ll post up more information soon but it’s looking like the first shows will concern themselves with – among other things – The People’s Voice and what exactly did go wrong with David Icke’s dream of a 24 hour alternate news station and fracking where I’ll have a guest on who works in the industry and he’ll explain why it’s not as bad as everyone seems to think which should get some folks arguing the point.

I’ll let you guys know well in advance so you can send in questions ahead of time should you wish. This should be FUN!

Now onto The Eloquent Gentlemen. If you’ve listened to these rambling, misanthropic podcasts it should be apparent I’m having far too much fun. Both Dave and I want to do a lot more with the Eloquent Gentlemen including a site of its own and perhaps just a little more structure to the format. If you haven’t listened to one yet you really should because what better way to spend an hour of your life is there than listening to two middle-aged men complaining roundly about all manner of things? We’re also considering using crowd funding to really provide an outstanding service to you cynicism lovers out there. Of course, I’ll keep you fully informed of that too.

As I said there are some other things I wish I could talk about but at this point it would be way too premature. Hopefully you’ll agree that there’s already some pretty cool stuff on the horizon and I really hope you’ll enjoy as much as I will. Please send me a mail if you want any particular topics covered too! Speak to you guys soon.

Don’t be an Internet shut in.

Social networking, the phrase which gained so much popularity with the advent of a website that isn’t actually all that social. “So, you’re going on another anti-Facebook rant then Hayden?” Looks that way, sorry! Of all the myriad benefits Facebook offers us such as the chance to keep in contact with people we never bothered to keep in contact with from school, the chance to see what someone we probably don’t even like that much had for their dinner, and of course everyone’s pets the one thing it doesn’t do is encourage any kind of real social interaction. What it does, and does amazingly well, is keep a vast swatch of people captivated with absolutely bullshit so that they can be monetised correctly. It’s all incredibly well done if we’re to be honest about it.

Take a look at your friends list. How many of those people are actually your “friends”? How many do you even stay in touch with on Facebook? If you’re like most people you’ve, for the most part, accumulated a list of people from your past you didn’t care all that much about anyway. You also probably post and comment alongside people you either see fairly regularly or could actually talk to on the phone (or with an online telephony service like Skype, let’s stay modern here!). Nothing about Facebook encourages genuine interaction. It’s all about sharing the mundane, harvesting “likes”, and indulging in small bouts of “conversation” via the tiny chat window. All you really need to do is post crap others will keep reading and consume, all the time being served advertising tailored roughly to whatever you’re typing about today. Nice!

Just look at the level of interaction. Before Facebook would you ever have wondered what someone’s dinner looked like unless it was something genuinely exotic? Granted, if your friend called you up and said “Hey, I’m about to eat raw snapping turtle served on a bed of pulled pigs eyes” you might respond with a picture request (well…if you’re like me you would), but if the same friend were to say “Hi, I’m having a burger and some chips. Want a picture?” you’d quite rightly ask them if they’d had a brain injury. We’re drowning in a sea of mundane junk for hours every day and we apparently love it. And then there’s the “social” aspect.

Being old an miserable I remember when we would not only trawl websites (as opposed to A website) and use these things called “Chat rooms”. Now, chat rooms were pretty epic. You’d have IRC ones where the lulz could get a bit unfortunate from time to time and you’d have organised and ever so slightly sanitised ones. What you got though, in spades, was an opportunity to meet and chat with people from all over the world. You didn’t have to ‘friend’ them, you could just chat and move on. Sometimes you’d click with people and you’d perhaps meet up regularly to chat but it was more dynamic, more social. But I guess I’m just old.

Thing is, this is all still out there so why aren’t we opening our horizons beyond groups of people we know or groups we know will have the same interests as us? Why do we spend hours reading how long it took for someone to get a tyre fixed or an ingrown toenail dug out when we could be reading websites with content that’s actually interesting. Why have we bought into this race for the bottom wholesale, why have we embraced the lowest common denominator where the endless stream of non-events is only punctuated by a trip to buzzfeed to see yet another list of things you’ve seen before? Why on earth do we sit on a website playing games that are actually mindlessly repetitive tasks dressed up with micro transactions? We’re acting like cattle.

Don’t be a shut in, get out there and explore cyberspace while we still have it. Find those odd sites, find those chat rooms where you’ve no clue as to who will be in there let alone what their opinions or interests might be. Be social, make the most of the opportunity you have to broaden your horizons beyond your ‘friends’ list. And don’t worry if it means spending a little less time on Facebook because if any of the people on your list are actually your friends they’ll understand. Maybe they’ll even tag along.

Easing that middle class guilt one “protest” at a time.

You know how sometimes you say things you might not actually feel if only to climb right up into the face of someone who annoys you? Let me take you back a couple of years, I was walking through the City centre here in Manchester with a friend of mine. We’d both been working all day and we were off to the pub for some refreshment and jolly banter. You know the situation I’m sure. One the way to the pub I was accosted by a middle-aged, clearly very middle class, woman who was waving a tract of pamphlets in my face demanding I boycott JCB. It appears we had stumbled onto a demonstration in favour of the Palestinian people outside the old BBC buildings. How unfortunate.

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You see, I don’t like having things thrust into my face and have some horrible, middle class hypocrite tell me what to do. It sort of boils my piss to a degree. However, in the interests of being a good person I promised her that I would not be buying any bulldozers or diggers thinking this might help. Apparently it annoyed her and she informed me I clearly wasn’t taking the plight of the Palestinian people seriously, that I was selfish, and did I support oppressive regimes? It was at this point I calmly informed her that I was going to the pub and I didn’t care if they bombed Palestine and sowed the ground with salt thus ending the conversation.

Clearly, I don’t believe any such thing and I do care about people being oppressed regardless of their race, creed or colour but like most people I’m a hypocrite. Do you think we should boycott Israeli produce because of the grinding poverty and restrictions on the Palestinian people? In that case why do you care about them and not the Chinese people operating under horrible working conditions and kept so far below the poverty line they couldn’t reach it with a ladder because that’s who built the device (or at least many of the components for the device) you’re reading this on. Why are Palestinian people more important than Chinese people. “Ahhhhh” I hear you mutter “but the Chinese people aren’t being systematically oppressed and murdered by a government” to which I might reply “What China are you thinking about then?”.

It’s easy to find a cause to pin ourselves to from the relative luxury of our comfortable Western existence. Even more so when you’ve been told which ones to support by the mainstream media. I’m not sure how things stand now but not long ago it was mooted that the most oppressed people in the world were the Rohingya from Myanmar. A small muslim population not exactly beloved of the ruling regime. Where are their protests? Where are their pamphlets and documentaries? Oh…there haven’t been any because nobody actually cares about the Rohingya people, they aren’t a hot topic which is odd because their abuse is tantamount to ethnic cleansing. But hey, fuck them because it’s easier to buy a different brand of oranges and pretend you actually care.

Want another one? How about the Dalit people of India, pretty much the largest group of enslaved people on the planet. It’s a social class of people deemed to be “untouchable” or to put it another way “filthy, subhuman trash”. It’s estimated they make up around a quarter of the Indian population and they are treated as refuse.  When was the last time you bought a T-Shirt proclaiming you support them? No? Fancy boycotting curry? Thought not.

I’m not saying don’t care about whatever your cause of the week happens to be, far from it. It’s vitally important we carry a candle for oppressed people anywhere but do try to keep some perspective and actually care because you genuinely do, not because you’re supposed to because that’s the behaviour of a shallow, opportunist. You’re doing it for you, not for them. Of course if you genuinely do care for the oppressed people of the world and campaign on their behalf you have my complete admiration. Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to find a bulldozer currently not used by any government being nasty to anyone else. Can you suggest one?

A system worth saving?

Just when you thought the whole historical sex abuse drama couldn’t get any more twisted along comes someone who can throw a serious spanner into the works of any ex-politician or celebrity hoping their past history of sexual wrongs stayed a thing of the past, step up Lord Tebbit. For those who don’t know Lord Tebbit is an arch Tory, was the Chairman of the Tory party and, during the Thatcher years, was renowned as the chap would would beat politicians into submission when it came to towing the party line. He’s put himself front and centre of the furore by quite literally stating there was a cover up. Oh dear.

He alleges the Thatcher government orchestrated this disgraceful cover up to protect the system. He also claims it was a case of getting it spectacularly wrong given the claims of abuse kept piling up. Now, some people have claimed it’s wonderful him stepping forward and blowing the doors off this, I’m less impressed. It’s all well and good looking at cases from 30 and 40 years ago but why in the hell didn’t he do something back then? Oh, of course. They were protecting “The System”. Now pardon me if I come across a little cynical but have you heard anything more disgusting than this? What kind of system is so important that child sexual abuse should be swept under the rug to protect it? The government? Hardly. We were supposed to be a democracy, we were supposed to trust the people in power to do the right thing, to be beyond reproach and now we find out that, along with screwing our service industries into the ground, successive governments from back then (and it couldn’t have only been the Tories, get real) were sure what was actually in our best interests was to protect paedophiles with well paid jobs.

Anyone alive from that period that was in power should be dragged before the beak at the earliest available opportunity because I for one am sick and tired of the state prosecutors dragging out some dead or nearly dead celebrity and dragging them through the mud (and rightly so in many cases!) but ignoring the obvious fact they must have had a support system, people who protected and even enabled them. I want these people dragged into the light, pushed before the people and face their punishment should they be found guilty. Given Lord Tebbit’s claims why isn’t there a list? Why isn’t there information on all those who knew about this abuse yet either turned the other cheek or buried it? Of course, it’s only once I say that then I realise why. We have to protect the system.

Even the mere mention of organised sexual abuse among those occupying the higher echelons of power used to be enough to have you labelled as a conspiracy nut but it’s all coming to light now. So why are we only being drop fed a few celebrities to burn on the bonfire of public indignation? Should the government decide to launch what they will doubtless call “a full, and frank investigation” into the whole affair who exactly will trust them when chances are the results will be a couple of dead senior politicians and perhaps one over 70 are handed to the wolves? I know I won’t, I can’t. The seeds of doubt are sown too well and they’re bearing fruit.

We’re told that all of this anti-authoritarian content on “alternative media” websites is a major contributory factor in people not trusting politicians any more. Sorry to break it to you governments of the world but it’s entirely your own doing. Protect the system? How does any of us possibly believe in protecting a system so inherently rotten that even when a senior politician informs the world of sexual abuse cover ups nobody is really surprised? There is no system here worth protecting, drag it all into the light of public scrutiny, clean that dirty laundry before our very eyes, and maybe we can go from there. Maybe.

 

SHUT UP YOU HAMMERING BASTARDS!

Apart from last week when I cried off due to some kind of man flu related disease which could only be likened in severity to Ebola mixed in with triple pneumonia and a side order of some alien disease hitherto unknown to man it has seemed every time I’ve sat down to do a podcast somebody around here gets DIY fever. Seriously, the second I hit record some complete bastard decides it’s time to pretend to be Buddy Rich only instead of a drum kit it’s a hammer and a random wooden object around the house.

I realise some people like to spend their Sundays doing manual labour, I don’t understand it but I do realise it. I also know that once the hammering, sawing, and general slamming together of inanimate objects is done these people look outside. If it’s sunny they fire up the lawnmower just to show what good people they really are. No matter the size of the garden this takes hours especially if they have a petrol powered mower. All the time they don’t realise us decent human beings want to read a book in peace or perhaps make a podcast of no importance whatsoever.

If you’re the sort of person that thinks Sundays were invented to be a miserable nuisance to your neighbours I hope your thumb winds up looking like a freshly trampled slug because you took your eye off the nail to weigh up whether you should do some gardening or not. You complete and utter bastard! If there’s no podcast until later in the week don’t blame me, nip over to your local hardware store and blame anybody you see browsing the shelves.

Right then, I need my headphones, my kindle and a brew…STAT!

Don’t worry, you can still be scared.

Have you found yourself concerned? Found yourself waking up in the wee small hours of the night? Have you been worrying yourself to death over the fact there’s just nobody scary enough at the moment for us all to be terrified about? Don’t worry, I understand exactly how you’re feeling. Since we apparently shot Bin Laden in the face and the whole “red peril” thing with Russia didn’t really pan out it was hard to find something – outside of the usual immigration horror stories – to really be concerned over. Luckily for us there are people who look after this sort of thing and, realising the lack of a good bogey man these days, they have come through as usual. Ladies and gentlemen, cower in terror at the mere thought of the dreaded ISIS!

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Those wacky ISIS chaps indulging in a spot of politics. We probably paid for the bullet about to be used as well.

That’s right, not only are these fundamentalist lunatics currently rolling across Iraq bringing their own brand of horror to a people who surely deserve a bit of a rest by now but once they’ve gained control there they will be coming here…to our homes…they’ll kill us in our beds! You see what’s apparently happening is young muslim men from the UK are being radicalised and heading over to Iraq (and Syria, the Syria part is very important) to learn how to kill people. Those who don’t end up as part of a gory photo collection on the Internet will then – we are told – return home and most likely murder us all to death. Are you scared yet? No? Hold on then.

ISIS might sound like an organisation from a Bond film but what they are is a group of jolly angry Sunni Muslims hell-bent on getting medieval on just about everyone’s ass from what I can tell. What’s interesting is that these are the same people previously described as “more moderate jihaddists” who the UK and the US decided were the good guys in the Syria conflict. Granted, nothing they did seemed any better than some of the atrocities carried out by the other side in the argument but we can surely gloss over that, after all being murdered by a soldier acting for a dictator is naturally far, far worse than being murdered by a moderate jihaddist who thinks your neck would look far nicer without a head on top of it.

So these moderate chaps we’ve been arming have now also turned their attentions to Iraq and they’re making quite incredible gains over there. The Iraqi army is literally falling apart at the seems as these angry mentalists move in to town after town, city after city. What’s more they’re using weapons we’ve provided them with and even more incredibly we’re now considering whether taking military action against them might be a good idea. Is it just me or is there something wrong with this picture? It’s like some bad cop movie where the cop has a huge gun pointed at a criminal who is looking at a gun lying on the floor at his feet. This is normally where the good guy would say something along the lines of “Go on, pick it up. Pick it up…GIVE ME A REASON!”.

As a special bonus add-on for our investment in ISIS our security services are now using this opportunity to recommend our rights are further destroyed in the interests of our safety. After all, what use is privacy or liberty if we’re all being forced to wear orange jumpsuits and finding ourselves in the starring role for an Internet video where there’s only one take? Surely we’d give up our freedoms and rights to protect us from the prospect of some young men coming home and deciding the UK is actually the great Satan, I mean it’s only reasonable. Yes, we didn’t allow massive overreach on the part of our spymasters and the like when the IRA were actually a real threat rather than a possible one but that’s by the by. These people are different. Granted we don’t know for sure anything will happen but that doesn’t matter, it could!

Right now more politicians are sounding off about the dangers we face from ISIS. At this rate people will start thinking the Sunni murder squad will be rolling down the high street in Chipping Norton randomly handing out death sentences to anyone not wearing a beard, a veil, or both. Liam Fox urges terror, Tony Blair says it’s got nothing to do with him, anything he’s done, anything you think he’s done, but we should probably consider bombing somebody, and pretty soon the Daily Mail will surely toe the line and give us 10 facts about ISIS we didn’t know with number one being they’re coming and they’ll all be on benefits.

It’s all fun and games and of course there is a very real possibility someone might come back from Iraq or Syria better trained and equipped to do some harm but how is that any different to the ongoing threat of terrorism we seem to be facing anyway? If we’re that bothered why take liberties away from citizens when we could just refuse to let them back into the bloody country? I swear, you’d think this was all manufactured wouldn’t you?