Despite the obviously catastrophic levels of boomerism I frequently display I’m actually Gen X. As a 47 year old man I was bumbling along minding my own business when I suddenly found out that I am the enemy and “literally Hitler”. As you can imagine, this came of something of a surprise even to me given my choice in career has not exactly enamoured me with the more “right on” sections of society.

It turns out that for all those years I’ve managed to get along reasonably well with people whether they’re gay, straight, black, white, whatever what I was actually doing was oppressing people. Quite without my knowledge.

Of course, it took millennials to find this out for me. My shocking white privilege has rendered me blind to the thousands of micro aggressions I indulge in every single day which directly kill trans people or something. As is my way I promptly went to read, I find it’s a good way of learning about things. I realise that today it’s considered old fashioned when you could just be told what to think by a man with an immaculately groomed beard on Twitter but I’m old fashioned.

After discovering “micro aggressions” were actually bullshit and that I am apparently not responsible for the actions of people who died long ago who wouldn’t have liked me anyway I thought there must be something I’m not doing right, there must be something that makes me the worst person ever. A middle aged, white man.

The answer was alarming in its simplicity. What I have to do, to prevent causing massive harm to minorities and oppressed groups, is virtue signal. It doesn’t matter what I actually believe I need to broadcast on social media a version of myself which is completely at odds with how any human being can actually live so that I can stop being a monster and start harvesting some of that activist clout on the likes of Twitter.

Yes, they do treat BAME people as if they were their cherished pets in need of protecting from anything. Yes, they do love telling women what to think and waste no time in browbeating them in order to ensure compliance. Yes they do tell Lesbians they’re dreadful bigots for not being down with the idea of ‘lady cock’. Yes, many are incredibly privileged white people who manage to lecture me about white privilege despite never having known what it’s like to face a future with no hope.

They’ve never known hardship so they live vicariously through the lives of others adopting their suffering and wearing it as a cloak of righteousness. They feed like leaches from the pain of others nodding in understanding as they drain you before moving on to their next cause. They leave behind a legacy of failure and duplicity. But they’re the good people, they’re not the Nazis, so that’s clearly the way I go.

To believe in equality, to believe it’s something we need to all work towards, to believe women have valid concerns even if I don’t agree or understand them, and to understand that everyone has their own struggles, problems, and worries regardless of their skin colour, religion, sexuality or gender and that you should hear them to at least try and understand isn’t enough. You have to attack anyone who doesn’t live up to the impossible authoritarian wet dream being imagined by the virtue signallers. The people who are allies to all but friends to none.

I’m guessing I’ll continue being a monster. I’ll continue listening to black people not in the hopes that I can fix everything nor that I can explain my position to them and why I’m right but to try and learn why they feel as they do. I’m not black, gay, trans, or a woman. So the only way I can learn is by talking and listening. So if that makes me a monster because I don’t instantly wrap myself up in a flag made from the lives of others so be it. I’m a monster. But at least I’ll still be there when the activists move on to their next pet project.

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